Must be football season.

Even with summer ending and school just starting my spouse still must fire up the b.b.q grill. Maybe it's because football season is finally beginning...Lord knows he along with 3/4 of the male population have been jones'n for it since last January. Not because the season ended, for thanks to our team's lame performance the "roar" of football season ended before it even began, I think because it is a chance for him along with his friends to redeem themselves. Why you ask?
Because nobody wants to have the team that can only rack up 3 wins for the whole season. No they want to be associated with that team. That team beats the odds and demolishes the most bragged about "dream team" from New England. That team that will forever be remembered for the most unbelievable toss and catch in Superbowl history.
Which brings me back to the b.b.q grill.
Why is it that men insist on cooking while the game is on?
It is bad enough that they try to cook and drink beer at the same time, but when you add into the mix a team that is getting their ass kicked by another team who had a worse record than them last year...well it's pretty much in the cards that a disaster is in the mix.
Take my spouse for example.
He and his buddies have been talking about "thee game" opener for weeks. (Hell it's even marked in red highlighter on the calender.) They even made "thee" trip to the supermarket for all the supplies for the "tailgate" party in the backyard 2 days before the game started. Mind you a second and third trip were made due to the fact that the beer supply some how ran extremely low before the big day.
Then the day arrived! Fire up that grill, but wait the grill won't lite. Naturally it must be something wrong with the ignition switch on the grill, quick get a lighter and try that. (Never mind the fact that the propane gas has been left on high for a good full minute now) Don't worry honey we're guys we know what we're doing. B.B.Q'n is in our blood.
I suppose that burning off your eyebrows and eye lashes is in your blood too. But hey he didn't drop his beer...toasted it..but didn't drop it. But wait! Somehow in the mass explosion the wire rack was placed upside down upon the grill. Not good for the meat I was told.
But I was not to worry "No problem honey I'll just flip it over the right way."
With a sigh I went to gather up the burn cream out of the first aid kit as my spouse successfully flipped the rack over, with his bare fingers.
Not to worry tho honey "only cops need you to have finger prints". Nice tip and yes I'll bring you a cold one on the way out.
But wait upon my return the group, of now intoxicated groupies, forgot to check the level of the propane tank.
Idiots.
Thank God the market is at the end of the road..but who wants to carry that empty heavy ass 5 gallon tank 100 feet down the road. Wait! The suggestion of rolling it down the dirt road was made! It's empty so it shouldn't blow up, but wait who's going to carry it back up the hill?
That's when the brilliant groupies decided to load it up in the back of the station wagon. So off they go...with "Einstein" sitting in the back of the wagon holding the tank with the trunk lid open....oops I guess he forgot that the struts for the trunk lid are shot...of coarse now so are his shins.
Finally they made it to the store..money...dam who brought the cash for the propane? Back up the driveway, this time with a stick to hold the truck lid open. Empty out the pocket for the cash and back down the driveway. By now the store worker has heard them coming and in a effort to hurry them along is awaiting their arrival at the propane refueling station.
(Mind you we can see the store from our yard.)
Finally after twenty minutes getting propane the grill is lit and the meat is on the grill...but wait what do you mean the game is already in the middle of the first quarter? When in the hell did that happen? We weren't gone that long. We're loosing?! How in the hell did that happen?!
Quick huddle around the t.v. our quarterback is hot! Yeah after a 12:00 possession of the ball we score! Our team is on fire!
(And from the view out the window so is dinner.)
Oh shit quick put the flames out...but with what? Try the beer! Apparently propane and beer do not mix. But they make a great piro tech. show. Back inside for the first aid kit. But hey at least now his mustache matches his eyebrows and eyelashes.
I can't wait till next week's game. I better stock up the first aid kit.